Born to die, die to live
by TheAwesomeGilbo
Summary: Matthew and Alfred are on their way to a party at Gilbert's house. First, they have to stop at the bank. But when horrible tragedy stikes, what will happen to the twins? Character death, AU, Spamano, GerIta, mild language, and genderbenders. enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

_Hello there. My name is Matthew Williams. Though most people just call me Mattie, when they don't mistake me for Alfred. So I guess I should start at the beginning because that's where most stories begin. It started on a cool fall evening. On November 17th. That's when the pain started..._

"Hey Mattie," Alfred called, fixing his glasses "You almost ready, bro?"

"Yeah, Al. Hold on," Mattie responded grabbing his red 'Canada' hoodie. He stopped and looked at his twin waiting for him in the doorway.

"What?" Alfred asked noticing Mattie's stare.

"Alfred," the Canadian began "It's November. You need to wear a coat."

"But I'm not cold," Al protested.

"I don't care. Put on a jacket or we're not going to Gil's house." Mattie demanded.

'Alfred is always so stubborn.' Mattie thought.

"Aww but Mattie!" Alfred whined. He stomped his feet and was being an upright child.

"Alfred Jones put on a coat right now!" Matthew ordered. Honestly, he felt like their mother half the time.

"My name is Alfred F. Jones, Mattie." Alfred corrected. Alfred can be a smart ass, too.

"Fine. Alfred F. Jones go put on a jacket, right now!" Mattie corrected himself, shifting his weight.

"Fine." Al marched up the stairs to grab his bomber jacket from his room. He kicked open the already slightly ajar door for effect and walked in. The entire room was red, white, and blue. Everything from the floors, which were a dark blue carpet, to the walls, which were painted bright red, to the furniture, which was a clean, crisp white. He looked around the slightly messy room for his favorite bomber jacket.

"Mattie!" he called.

"What?" Alfred heard Matthew yell back.

"Where's my bomber jacket!"

"I don't know!" Mattie said impatiently. "Is it in the hamper?"

"Lemme check!" Alfred ran over to the white hamper where half of his dirty clothes were, if they weren't strewn across the floor. Alfred pushed past some dirty socks and his American flag boxers and found his brown bomber jacket lying underneath.

"Found it!" He yelled, running down the stairs. He jumped the last two to save time and nearly fell in the process.

"Ready," the younger twin smiled, his blue eyes sparkling with excitement.

"Finally. Let's go then, Al," Mattie said grabbing the keys to their 1991 scarlet ford mustang they fixed up and headed out the door, his brother following. They got into the car and headed off to Gilbert's house for a "totally awesome party for no reason."

"Oh shit!" Mattie exclaimed halfway there.

"What? What's wrong?" Al questioned.

"I needed to bring some soda to the party because Gil was short of it. He and his little brother, Ludwig, only drink beer anyway. I need to stop at the bank first though," the Canadian explained.

"Aww, okay," Alfred said "Let's go to the bank."

"Aw man! There's a line!"

"Alfred, be quiet. It's not a mosh pit."

"I'm not that loud, Matthew Williams."

"Yes you are, Alfred Jones."

"You forgot the F again!" Alfred complained to his brother.

"You have no middle name, Al. I see no reason in pretending you do." Mattie retorted.

"Fine," Alfred said childishly crossing his arms. To keep himself occupied, without getting in a fight with Alfred, Mattie looked around the clean bank. The walls were a light greenish color with gold stripes on the top. There were ATM machines and Coin Stars against one wall. The other wall had the bank tellers talking to customers. There were only two employees there tonight though. Two women. One looked about 22 or 23. Close to his and Alfred's age: 24. The other looked around maybe 35 or 36. The younger one was thin as a twig and wore glasses that magnified her bright green eyes. She had dark brown hair that was pulled into a ponytail, and she wore a black headband, probably to keep her bangs from falling in her eyes. The other lady was a bit larger and had light brown hair that was curled, unlike the younger woman's hair, which was straightened. This lady had sad brown eyes, with bags and dark circles beneath them.

'She looks really tired,' Mattie thought. 'She probably has a few kids who keep her up all night.' Mattie's eyes wandered to the few people in front of them. One was a mom, probably around 27 or 28 who had a baby girl held to her hip, who was presumably 2 or 3. The mom had bleach-blonde hair that was straightened and French braided. She wore an olive green tank top, an adidas jacket, slightly worn jeans and some ugg boots. A man stood in front of her. He had a thick brown mustache and was wearing a business suit.

'He looks like he just got out of a meeting or something important like that,' Mattie noted.

The last person in line was behind them. She was another mom probably 32 or so who wore a pink American Eagle t-shirt and black jeans. She also wore black flats and an Aero zipper hoodie. She held a little boy's hand, who was probably 8-10 years old. He was eating a bag of Skittles, waiting for his mommy to get done cashing in a check. Just then several shots were fired into the air. Plaster fell from the ceiling as everyone quickly ducked down. The woman with the baby girl screamed and hugged her daughter close to her as the other mother with her son quickly pulled him into her arms. The two women behind the counters ducked their heads out of sight, hopefully calling the police. The man in the suit got down on one of his knees and put his hands up over his head on complete surrender. Mattie grabbed Alfred and pushed him to the shiny floors of the bank, while throwing himself down as well.

"Alright everyone!" a man yelled. He was tall and muscular. He wore Levi jeans and a black hoodie with the hood up over his head. He wore no mask to hide his identity, just a pair of dark sunglasses. "This bank is now under MY control!" he continued. Alfred motioned to Mattie to hand him the elder's cell phone. Mattie reached into his pocket but froze as he realized the robber was standing over him. He stepped on Mattie's hand and twisted his foot. Mattie heard a sickening crack as his wrist was dislocated from it's natural position. His face twisted into a painful look as he felt the phone in his hand splinter and enter his skin. When the man removed his foot Mattie's wrist was bent way too far to the right and bits of metal and plastic had lodged in his palm.

"There is no need for cell phones, young man," he explained calmly. But his calm composure changed to anger faster than you could blink. He brought the butt of his .500 Magnum handgun down on Mattie's face, shattering his nose. His glasses flew off his face from the force of the hit. Both mothers screamed as they saw blood start to drip from the Canadian's nose. Mattie screeched as he felt sensational pain shoot through his face. He felt his crimson blood fall from his broken nose to the floor.

"Hey!" Mattie heard Alfred yell.

'No, Alfred. Sit down, please.'

"You think you can hurt my bro like that?" Alfred questioned angrily.

"What are you going to do about it, kid?" the man asked snarkily. To prove his point, he kicked Mattie in the side with his steel-toed boots. Mattie gasped for air as the wind was knocked out of him and his ribs either broke or cracked.

"Mattie!" Alfred screamed as he saw his brother in pain "It's gonna be alright, Mattie," he assured.

"We'll get out of here and go to Gil's and have a killer time, okay?" Matthew nodded at his brother and slowly opened his violet eyes, which squeezed tight from the burning pain he felt. His eyes grew wide as he saw the barrel of the man's gun placed to Alfred's left temple.

'No! Not Alfred!' Mattie thought. Not his Alfred! Not his baby brother! Not his twin, his other half!

'This can't be happening!' Mattie thought fearfully.

Then police sirens were heard.

'We'll all be safe.' Mattie thought with relief 'Everything will be...' BANG! The gun shot rang through the silent bank. Then the dull thump of a body hitting a floor was heard.

"Alfred..."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 Born to die, die to live

Mattie opened his violet eyes with the ultimate fear of the worst. Tears prickles his eyes as he saw the horrifying sight of his brother slumped on the ground, scarlet blood flowing from the bullet hole in his temple. The two mothers were crying, holding onto their children for dear life.

"Alfred?" Mattie whispered as he inched over towards the fallen brother. Mattie felt his heart plummet as he heard silence from his blue eyed twin.

"Alfred?" He said louder. He was so close to Alfred. He could almost reach him. Then the police barged in. Paramedics swarmed the building. Three of them came over to Matthew and Alfred.

"This one needs to be airlifted to the hospital STAT!" A woman dressed in the navy blue uniform barked. Two men began checking for Alfred's pulse while securing his head and neck and strapping him to a gurney. Then they quickly rushed the young man outside leaving Mattie wondering if his brother was going to live or die.

"Is Alfred okay?" Mattie asked another paramedic.

"I'm sorry, who's Alfred?" the paramedic apologized, flicking her blonde ponytail over her shoulder.

"Alfred's my little brother. He," Mattie paused, taking a shaky breath "he was the one who was shot."

"Oh I'm sorry," the lady began "Alfred is alive. He is being airlifted to the hospital."

"He'll be alright though, won't he?" Mattie hoped.

"He has a gunshot wound to the temple," the woman informed nervously "That's usually fatal. I'm sorry, but I doubt your brother will live to see tomorrow." Mattie felt hot tears stream down his cheeks. He didn't care if he died. Why did Al have to go? Al was never bad. Never. Alfred was everything to him. And now he might lose him.

"I'm really sorry," the paramedic repeated "But come with me. I need to check your nose. It looks broken." Matt completely forgot about his broken nose, his dislocated wrist, and the bits of phone protruding from his palm.

"By the way," the young woman started "My name is Lindsay."

"I'm Matthew," the Canadian said while sitting on another gurney behind an ambulance.

"Well, Matthew, let me see your nose. Look up slightly." Lindsay said lightly putting her hand under Matthew's chin. She gently started poking the bridge of the blonde's nose.

"Ahh!" Mattie gasped as she moved her fingers down slightly.

"Yup. That's definitely broken, love," she determined. "Now let me get some tape and gauze for that until we can get you to the hospital." And so the blonde woman sped off to find medical supplies in one of the emergency vehicles. Mattie stared up at the starry sky and thought of Al.

'Please God,' he prayed 'Don't take Alfred away from me. I can't live without him. He doesn't deserve this.' Salty tears leaked from Matt's eyes once more.

"Okay let me wrap up..." Lindsay stopped mid-sentence as she saw tears glistening in the poor boy's eyes.

"It's okay," she comforted "We're doing all we can to keep your brother with us."

"I know," Mattie whispered, using his hoodie sleeve to wipe his eyes. Then he remembered his glasses were still inside the bank.

"When you're done with my nose," Mattie asked sheepishly "Can you help me find my glasses. They fell off in the bank."

"Oh sure, hun. No problem," Lindsay agreed as she started prepping gauze to tape on Mattie's nose.

When she was done, Lindsay was about to help Matthew find his glasses until she noticed his hand and wrist.

"Hold up, Matthew!" she exclaimed.

"What?"

"I need to fix that, too" she pointed at Matthew's wrist and hand.

"Oh," Mattie remembered.

"Someone look for a pair of glasses in the bank!" the paramedic called.

"Thank you," Mattie said holding out his broken wrist.

"I'm just going to wrap your wrist so it stays in place. We'll have to take some x-rays at the hospital." Lindsay explained while helping the young man into the ambulance. Once in the ambulance heading to the hospital, Lindsay started wrapping Mattie's wrist.

"I have to put some anesthetics on your palm so the metal doesn't cause an infection," the woman told Mattie.

"Okay," Mattie agreed.

"Okay, Matthew. Hold still," Lindsay held the Canadian's hand in hers and sprayed the medicine on the open wounds. It sizzled and burned as it slowly cleansed the cuts imprinted in his skin. Mattie barely felt the pain of the anesthetic.

"Matthew?"

"Huh?" Mattie snapped out of his daydreams.

"I said are you alright?" the paramedic repeated.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Mattie answered.

"We found your glasses, by the way," Lindsay said holding out Mattie's glasses for him.

"Tha..." he stopped mid-sentence and stared at the glasses.

"These aren't mine," he whispered, tears glistening in his eyes "They're Al's."

"Oh I'm sorry. I'll have someone find yours then. Do you want to hold on to Al's glasses?" she held out the slightly scratched glasses that used to rest on Alfred's nose.

'She called him Al,' Mattie thought as he accepted his brother's glasses. 'I'm the only one that calls him that.'

"We're here," Lindsay announced as they pulled up at the hospital. "Let's go!" she yelled as she helped Mattie out of the emergency vehicle. Mattie was rushed into the E.R. and thrown into a room.

A man poked his head in the room a few minutes later.

"Matthew Williams?" he asked.

"Yes?"

"Alfred Jones." he said motioning for the Canadian to follow him. Mattie gulped, afraid of what he might see or hear. He sat in a pale blue room, probably a waiting area of some kind. He was the only one there, save the man who brought him here. He wore a doctor's lab coat and had a mask around his neck.

"I just came from the O.R. Where your brother is being treated." he explained.

"Is Alfred okay," Mattie asked with fear of the worst.

"I'm sorry, but he has a gunshot wound to the head. We're not entirely sure what will happen to him yet, but we'll let you know in a few hours when he returns from surgery."

"Okay. Thank you," Mattie replied shakily. He walked back to the room he was in previously to wait for a doctor to treat his wrist and hand. He sat on the bed, his thoughts resting on his brother in surgery.

"Matthew Williams?" Mattie was jerked from his thoughts by a woman walking in the room. She wore a white coat and beige pants. She had short black hair tucked carefully behind her ears, which were pierced with small glinting pearls.

"Yes?" Matt looked at the doctor blankly.

"I'm Dr. Jamie Roberts. I'll be tending to you tonight," she answered while pulling out a mamilla folder. "According to your x-ray results, your wrist is fractured in two different places and the phone pieces can be removed with minor surgery. You'll just need some stitching then," the doctor said very matter-of-fact.

"Okay," Mattie answered, but barely heard a word she said.

An hour later, Matthew had a total of sixteen stitches in his right hand and a cast around his right wrist.

"Excuse me?" Mattie asked shyly as a nurse passed by.

"Oh yes?"

"Do you know which room Alfred Jones is in?"

"Alfred Jones... Oh he's in room 238," she informed looking at her clipboard and flipping her long red hair over her shoulder.

"Thank you." Mattie ran as fast as he could to the room that withheld his twin. He gasped as he entered the room, more tears threatening to spill from his violet eyes. There was Alfred.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 Born to die, die to live

Alfred's body was ghastly pale, lying underneath the White sheets. He honestly looked like death. Clean bandages wrapped around his head and slightly covered his left eye. A dozen wires and IVs were hooked up to the American. The slow steady beat of the heart monitor and the breathing machines latched to Alfred's face were the only sounds in the room.

"Alfred?" Matte said tentatively. He took a few steps towards his twin.

"Alfred?" Mattie spoke louder this time. Mattie walked up to his little brother and took his hand.

"Al, everything will be okay," he assured "Everything will be alright. Your big brother is here." Tears made their way down the older brother's face and dripped onto Alfred's arm.

"Excuse me sir," a voice spoke up. Matthew turned around to see a tall older-looking doctor standing in the door.

"This is a restricted room. No visitors are allowed at the moment," he said strictly. His cold blue eyes bore into Mattie's.

"No," Mattie said simply.

"Sir, you have to leave now," the doctor said.

"I said no," Mattie repeated. He normally would have left quietly, but with his Alfred in that hospital bed, there was no chance.

"What is your name?" the man asked sternly.

"Matthew Williams."

"Mr. Williams, do you know what happened to Mr. Jones?" he questioned.

"He's my little brother. Of course I know what happened!" Mattie refuted, getting quite irritated.

"Mr. Jones is in a coma," the gray-haired doctor said without compassion.

"Coma?" Mattie repeated in disbelief.

"Yes. Now please leave before I have to call security." Mattie couldn't grasp what he just heard. A coma. His baby brother. His second half. Alfred. The hero. Was going to die if he didn't pull out of this. Fresh tears fell from Mattie's eyes, obscuring his vision even more. He squeezed Alfred's hand tighter.

"You can't make me leave him," Matthew hissed.

"I thought so. Guess we're doing this the hard way." the doctor turned on his heal and walked out, presumably to get security to throw Matthew out. But the Canadian was ready. He and Alfred both knew how to hold their own in a fight. Alfred got in fights often as a kid and Mattie has been in plenty of fistfights during his hockey career.

"Sir, you have to leave now," a very large man addressed Mattie. He was probably the head of security. He was a tall, muscular, black man with several tattoos on his arms. He had a shaved head and a single ear piercing with a diamond stud in the hole.

"I said I wasn't leaving Alfred," Mattie repeated again. When were they going to give up?

"Escort him out," the doctor said turning to the security guard.

'Obviously they didn't expect me to put up much of a fight if they only sent one guy.' Mattie thought to himself. The man approached Mattie and went to grab him. Mattie dodged with ease. The man swung again and again, Mattie ducked. Mattie ducked and dodged every attempt the member of the security staff made. More security people swarmed in the room. Mattie smiled. He could hear Alfred cheering him on. Even with a broken wrist, Mattie was able to avoid having any damage done to himself. He stood beside Alfred's bed, as if protecting him.

"You can't take me away from him!" Matthew yelled. "He's my brother!" Then Matthew fell to the ground and sobbed. He cried his eyes out on the floor beside Alfred's unmoving body. Alfred's heartbeats on the monitor sped up slightly.

"Alfred..." Mattie bawled, sitting on the floor, his glasses casted aside allowing him to bury his face in his knees as he pulled them against his chest. Mattie just wanted Alfred back. He wished Alfred would sit up and rip the breathing mask off his face and tell Mattie to stop crying. Mattie wished he had his brother back. His chest ached from the pain he had been through in the past several hours. He had been in this godforsaken hospital for almost eleven hours now.

"Mattie!" Another voice called out. This voice had a German accent and a hint of arrogance in it. A silver head pushed its way through the mass of hospital staff. Gilbert. A familiar face.

"Mattie, I heard what happened," the albino said. He knelt on the ground next to the distressed blonde and hugged him.

"It'll be fine, Mattie. Alfred will pull through," Gil comforted.

"You two have to get outta here!" another member of the staff stepped in. Of course Gil's short temper kicked in.

"Shut up, du Esel! Kannst du nicht sehen, er ist beunruhigt? Sein Zwillingsbruder liegt im Koma! Er ging gerade durch die Hölle und zurück!"[1] The German's outburst shut up the hospital's workers standing around.

"Go on! Out with you all!" Gil continued, motioning for them to leave. Mattie guessed no one wanted to deal with a pissed German, because everyone left after that.

"Thank you, Gil," Mattie choked out through sobs.

"Shhh... anytime, Birdie. You have to calm down now," Gil said quietly. Mattie nodded and hiccupped a bit.

"I'll go get you a drink. I'll be right back," Gilbert got up slowly and left the room, glaring at the security, who still stood outside the door, with his crimson eyes. Mattie sat on the floor, leaning against Alfred's bed. He tried to obey Gil and stop crying, but he just couldn't. Saltwater tears began to pour out of his eyes again. Gil walked back in the room with a paper cup full of water.

"Here. Drink this," he ordered thrusting the cup at the Canadian.

"Thanks," Mattie said.

"No problem," Gil replied. Mattie took a sip from the cup and set it on the floor. He rubbed his tired eyes.

"Gil, do you know what time it is?" Mattie asked. He hadn't checked the time since they left for Gil's party around seven.

"It's almost three in the morning," Gil informed, checking his cell phone.

"Three?"

"Ja, drei im der morgen." [2] Gil repeated in German.

"I guess your party ended a bit earlier than your parties usually do," Mattie said laughing.

"Well when we heard what happened, we all came here to check what was going on."

"Wait," Mattie stopped to think about what Gilbo just said "Who's 'we'?"

"Me, Elizaveta, Francis, Antonio, Lovina, Feliciana, Ludwig, Arthur, Kiku, and Gilbird," Gil counted on his fingers and gestured to the sleeping canary nestled in his silver hair.

"They're all here?" Mattie asked.

"Ja. They're all in the lobby. Or that's where I left them, at least," Gil told Mattie. Just then a soft knock was heard at the door.

"Mattie? Alfred? Gilbo?" a Spanish voice asked.

"Move over, damn it!" an Italian voice said right after. The door was thrust open, courtesy of Lovina, Antonio's Italian girlfriend, who seemed to be in a less pissy mood than normally. Mattie and Gil both stood up as the door was opened.

"Mattie!" Lovina screamed as she ran up and hugged Mattie with all her might.

"Lovi," Mattie started. His bruised skin from being kicked was being crushed by the Italian maiden.

"Matthew Williams! Don't you dare scare us like that ever again!" she ordered. "Where's Alfred?"

"Alfred?" Mattie repeated.

"Lovi..." Gilbert started "Alfred is in a coma."

"What?" Lovina answered.

"Ja. See?" Gil turned slightly, revealing the other twin lying, pale as death, in a hospital bed.

"Alfred..." she whispered. Lovina's eyes glistened with tears in the dim light.

"Antonio..." she turned to her boyfriend and buried her face in his shirt.

"Is he going to be okay?" Antonio asked, hugging his crying girlfriend.

"I don't know," Mattie responded wiping his own tears "That's the worst part: not knowing."

_Translations: _

_[1] Shut up, you ass! Can't you see he's distressed? His twin brother's in a coma! He's been through hell and back!_

_[2] Yes, three in the morning._


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 Born to die, die to live

Lovina continued to sob quietly in Antonio's shirt when the others started walking in. Ludwig and Feliciana walked in next.

"Ve~ what's happening?" the red headed Italian asked.

"Mattie's fine but Alfred's in a coma," Antonio answered rubbing Lovina's back, in an attempt to calm her.

"Ve~ a coma?" Feli cocked her head to one side, causing her ginger ponytail to sway a bit "What does that mean?"

"It means Alfred isn't waking up soon," Ludwig answered.

"Ve~ is he...dead?" the Italian's bottom lip stuck out, indicating she was going to start crying as well.

"We just don't know when he'll wake up," Gil intervened.

"I heard about a coma! Who..." Elizaveta walked in and started talking but stopped short as her lovely green eyes fell on the American lying motionless.

"Oh..." she sighed.

"Uh, Vash will be back. He took Lili home because it was late." the Hungarian continued.

"Alfred's going to die!" Feli wailed and tears fell like waterfalls from her honey eyes.

"Feli, he won't die," Ludwig said hugging his girlfriend.

"Come on, Arthur!" a French voice coaxed from just outside the door. Then a worried Francis and an upset Arthur entered the room.

"ALFRED!" Arthur ran up to the American an grabbed his hand, tears rolling down the Englishman's face.

"Mathieu, are you alright?" Francis asked the shaken Canadian.

"Oui, I'm fine," Mattie answered, looking at Arthur kneeling beside Alfred. Arthur's bright blonde hair was messed up and didn't have it's usual shine. His green eyes were filled to the point of overflowing with tears. He kept whispering words of hope to the other blonde, who didn't move a muscle.

"There can't be this many people making such a racket in here!" the older doctor said, returning to the room.

"Out! All of you!" Security guards burst in. There was a bunch of yelling, struggling, and swearing.

"GET YOUR GODDAMN HANDS OFF ME!" Gilbert yelled.

"STOP YANKING ME, DAMN IT!" Lovi screamed.

"ALFRED! LET ME GO!" Mattie struggled against a few workers.

"ALFRED! NO! YOU BASTARDS!" Arthur reached out for Alfred, though he couldn't reach him.

It took three guards to carry Matthew out, who was crying the entire time. It took five guards to throw Arthur out, who had put up quite a fight. It took only one to take out Feliciana, who was just lead out crying. Two escorted Ludwig out. Five had to drag Gilbert out of the room, kicking and swearing. Three others had to resort to picking up Lovina and carrying her out. Antonio ran after Lovi. Francis just lowered his head and followed his friends. Elizaveta tried to pull people off Gil, but when she failed, her frying pan came out. She broke three noses, and gave a number of bruises and bumps. The lot who were just tossed out of the room, sulked back to the waiting room, where Vash and Kiku waited nervously.

"Goddamn security," Gilbert remarked. He put out his hand, where Gilbird landed and hopped about on the albino's palm.

"Sorry those assholes woke you up lil Gil," Gil transferred the bird from his hand to his hair. Once settled in his owner's silver hair, Gilbird fell asleep again.

"Well that could have gone better," Elizaveta commented, wiping a bit of blood from her frying pan with a tissue.

"We can't just wait out here for Alfred to die though," Matthew said quietly through tears.

"Right. We have to find a way back in there," Arthur agreed, wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

"Ve~ sí," Feli yawned.

"Maybe we should try in the morning, when we all have a few hours of sleep on our minds," Ludwig suggested, observing the Italian's yawn.

"Gute Idee, Brüder," Gil answered. And they all loaded up into their cars and drove to their respective homes, leaving Mattie alone in the dim lit waiting room. He walked the halls slowly and silently, fading into the background.

'What kind of hospital is this?' Mattie wondered, as he walked straight into someone. Mattie fell to the ground, as did the other person. Mattie's glasses fell off his face as he landed on the clean tile floor.

"Oh sorry! I wasn't watching where I was going!" a voice apologized. Mattie recognized the voice.

"Lindsay?"

"Matthew!" Lindsay exclaimed. "How're you doing? Here's your glasses." Mattie took the pair of glasses handed to him by the paramedic.

"I've been better," Mattie replied.

"I guess so," Lindsay said, tucking her bangs behind her ear.

"Shouldn't you be in a room?" she noted.

"Uhh... yeah I was just heading back to my room now, actually," Mattie informed.

"Oh okay. That's good. I'll see ya around," the woman said walking away.

"Okay. Bye," Mattie called after her. Then, Mattie began his journey down the hallways, back to his room. But then he stopped short.

'That doctor must have left by now,' the blonde thought 'I can see Al!' And so Mattie turned on his heel and walked back towards Alfred's room. When he got there, there was no one there. Just Alfred. Mattie sighed with relief, and sat in a blueish semi-comfy chair next to his baby brother. He petted Alfred's hair and talked to him.

"I won't leave, Alfred," Mattie promised "I'll wait until you get all better." That moment, Mattie could've sworn he saw Alfred smile.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 Born to die, die to live

Mattie fell asleep for a few hours in the chair beside Alfred's bed. When he awoke, the sun was shining through the windows as if nothing bad had happened. Mattie rubbed his violet eyes with tired hands. He looked hopefully at his brother, hoping for him to show some signs of life other than his steady heartbeat. Alfred laid there, exactly the same as he was when the elder slipped into his dreams. Though Matthew didn't dream of anything in particular. Everything was black. Everything was silent. He felt nothing. No pain. As if he had died. But all that was lost when he opened his eyes.

"Matthew?" The voice startled the Canadian as he spun around to see who had spoken his name. It was Arthur. He paled skin illuminated the dark circles under his tired green eyes.

"Oh, hi Arthur," Mattie said back. It wasn't often he talked to Arthur. Most of the time Arthur acted as though Matthew was invisible.

"How is Alfred?"

'Typical Arthur,' Mattie thought angrily 'He only cares about Alfred. Everyone only cares about Alfred.' Mattie felt saltwater tears prickle his eyes. He turned his head so the Englishman would not see him cry.

"Matthew? Are you alright?" Arthur asked, becoming concerned. He walked up to the blonde and lightly touched his back. Matthew's sobs got louder as the Brit's hand made contact with Mattie's back.

"Shh. Matthew, you don't have to cry," Arthur comforted "Al's going to be fine." Matthew just cried more at this. He was sick and tired of this. He didn't want Arthur or Gil or anyone else to comfort him. They all said Alfred was going to be fine, but he won't be! He had a bullet wound to the temple. If Alfred doesn't die, he will surely have physical and maybe even some mental problems. Mattie didn't want them to lie to him. He just wanted to be alone! Just so he can release some pent up anger and depression.

"I'm fine," Mattie snapped at Arthur. Arthur looked taken aback at the usually quiet man's sudden sharp tone.

"Are you sure? You don't seem fine to me. Do you want to talk?" At this, Mattie lost it. He got up and ran. He didn't know where he was running or when he'll stop. All he knew was he had to get away from everyone. Including his dying twin. Alfred may be the one in a coma, but Matthew was slowly being torn apart from the inside. Matthew was oblivious to the people shouting after him. Arthur calling for him. Nurses telling him to stop. He didn't care though. He couldn't stop. He just kept running. He ran into the house he and Alfred had shared. He burst through the door and ran up to his room. He sat on his bed and stared around the dark room. The dark red curtains were closed shut, allowing no sunlight to pass through. All around him, posters of random hockey players stared at him. Matthew screamed as he ripped the posters down, destroying them in the process. Ten minutes later, every paper in the blonde's room lay scattered and shredded around the room. Matt took his hockey sticks and snapped them over his knee. He threw hockey pucks through the windows, shattering the glass. Broken glass lay on the floors along with the broken sticks and shredded posters. Mattie slowly picked up a shard of glass. He examined it, and held it dangerously close to him. He then raised his hand, the glass held tightly in his grip.

"STOP!" Arthur burst into the room and grabbed Matthew's hand.

"Let go," Mattie hissed.

"NO!" the other refused. Due to Matthew's already weakened state, the Brit was able to pry the glass from the Canadian's grip. He tossed the glass aside and watched the other blonde climb onto his bed and pull his knees to his chest.

"Mattie, do you want to go back to the hospital?" Arthur interrogated. Matt shook his head.

"Alright. Do you want to stay here?" Again Matt shook his head.

"I'm just going to go for a walk," Mattie decided. He walked past the older man standing by his bed and walked outside. No longer was the sun shining happily, but gray clouds blocked it's rays. After a few minutes it began to rain heavily. But Mattie continued to walk. Rain seeped through his clothes, soaking his skin. His blonde hair matted to his face. He carefully pulled the hood of his sweatshirt over his dripping head. He put his head down and walked about half a mile until he came to the park where he and Alfred used to play together. Mattie walked over to the swings. He sat down on the old black seat and held tight to the rusted chains.

_"Come on, Mattie!" Alfred screamed "You're too low! You have to go higher to beat the hero!" A ten year old Matthew smiled at his brother, who was laughing and swinging as high as the swing would take him._

_"I'm going to touch the sky, Mattie!" Alfred yelled, a smile painted on his innocent face._

_"Be careful, Al," Mattie warned._

_"I'm going to fly!" Alfred predicted._

_"Alfred Jones don't you dare jump off that swing!" Mattie commanded. Alfred dragged his feet on the ground to stop the swing._

_"Aw you're no fun," Alfred remarked with a pout._

_"How about I push you even higher?"_

_"Even higher!" Alfred's sky-blue eyes widened at the thought of swinging even higher than he was before._

_"Even higher," Matthew confirmed._

_"Yay!" Alfred cheered, kicking his legs on the swing "Push me, Mattie!" The older twin got behind the swing that held his brother and he began to push the swing._

_"Yay! I'm king of the world!" Alfred shouted. Then Alfred let go of the chains and jumped._

_"ALFRED!" Matt ran over to the spot where his brother lay in the grass. Alfred lay face down in the tall grass._

_"Alfred?" Mattie knelt next to him and turned him onto his back. Alfred was laughing as if someone had just told the funniest joke in the world._

_"Alfred! Don't scare me like that!" Mattie said playfully slapping the boy on the back of the head. Alfred sighed as he stopped laughing. The two of them fell back into the grass and watched the clouds roll by._

_"I love you, Mattie," Alfred said._

_"I love you too, Al," Mattie replied._

The memories brought tears to Mattie's eyes, as he starred at the dead brown grass. This was the place where he and Al did pretty much everything. They played, they laughed, they cried, they shared secrets, they confessed faults, and they talked. Mattie's tears mixed with the rainwater and fell to the ground below the swing. He would do anything, just to see Alfred open his eyes and smile again.


	6. Chapter 6

Ch. 6 Born to die, die to live

Mattie sat on the swing, his hood covering his head as the rain fell around him.

"Hey," a strange voice addressed Matthew from behind. Mattie instantly turned his head to see a young woman standing there. Her platinum blonde hair rippled with the wind, almost making her bow fly off the top of her head.

"Why're you crying? Things can't be that bad," she said stiffly. It seemed as if she was attempting to comfort him but she wasn't good at that sort of thing.

"But they are," Mattie sniffled.

"Really?" she asked. Her blue-violet eyes sparked a bit of interest in what Matthew was talking about.

"Yeah. My twin is in a coma right now," he answered. The woman just looked at the Canadian.

"Where is your twin?" she asked flatly.

"The hospital. He's in a coma," Mattie replied, confused.

"Shouldn't you be with your brother than?" she asked smartly.

"I don't want to see him," Mattie said turning his head away from her. The girl sat on the swing next to Mattie's and held to the chains, her boots swinging under her navy dress.

"I used to come here a lot," she commented, observing a knife she pulled from her pocket. "My older brother and sister, Ivan and Katyusha. We would come to this park when we were little." Mattie listened but kept a close eye on the silver dagger in the girl's hands.

"But my brother and sister have long been gone," she continued.

"What?" Mattie snapped out of his gaze at the knife and looked the other in the face. She was quite pretty. Her navy dress bringing out her lovely bluish-violet eyes. And her pale hair, so blonde it was almost silver, fell gracefully around her shoulders.

"My brother, Ivan, died last year from disease and my sister, Katyusha, was killed a few years ago while walking home from a class she was taking." The woman looked blank as she talked of her deceased siblings. As if she barely knew them.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know," Mattie apologized.

"It's alright, Matthew," she replied turning and staring at the man.

'That's weird,' Matthew thought 'I don't remember telling her my name.'

"Uh, what was your name again?" Mattie asked raising an eyebrow.

"Natalya. Natalya Braginski."

"Ah okay," Mattie nodded.

"Do you know why I told you of my siblings?" she asked suddenly. Natalya stood up and walked in front of the swing, so Mattie would look at her.

"Your brother is dying," she stated "Every minute you waste without him, is a minute lost. You won't get time back. You should talk to him before he leaves."

"But he's in a coma," Mattie refuted, standing up as well.

"He can still hear you," Natalya said, clutching the knife tighter in her fist.

"How do you know?" Mattie asked. He was starting to get angry with Natalya. She was another one of the people who thought everything would be fine.

"I know," she hissed darkly. Mattie took a step back. She was really starting to scare him a bit.

"Afraid?" she asked, running her fingers over her blade. "There is nothing to fear from me."

"I'm not..."

"You are. You are also irritated by me. You think I'm just another whack-job telling you lies about your life all going back to normal. I'm not lying to you. Your life is going to go through hell and back and by the time you get out of it again, you're going to just be damned, like me." Mattie was shocked, to say the least. How did she know that?

"I know everything," she answered, reading his mind.

"How...what..."

"I have to leave soon. I cannot spend much longer in your world."

"M-my world?"

"The world of the living."

"Living?"

"I've been dead since May. I was stabbed to death. But by my own dagger." Natalya opened the front of her dress slightly to show a bloodied undershirt. A stab wound right through her chest, where her heart should be.

"I couldn't take not having Ivan. Or Katyusha. I decided to end it," she explained, buttoning her dress back up.

"I'm waiting around to be damned. Or saved. But I doubt I'll be saved. I saw you crying, and I was curious." Natalya continued.

"Why did you try to help me?" Mattie was so confused on what was happening.

"I don't know. I guess because I didn't want to see you cry."

"Oh. Well thank you." Mattie thanked her politely.

"Yes, your welcome. I hope you find use in what I said." And with that, she walked towards the road. A car rushed by, and hit her straight on. The drive seemed to not have noticed Natalya walk into the road and hit their car. The impact just caused the woman to burst into dust and disappear.

Mattie bolted up, panting as if he just ran a mile, and looked around. A dream. Natalya was a dream. Nothing had happened. He had fallen asleep in the wet grass in the park. He slowly sat up and looked back at the swing. A very familiar bow was tied to one of the chains. It rippled in the breeze and untied itself. It flew in Mattie's direction, who caught it and examined it. An ordinary bow.

'It could be anyone's,' Matthew thought, turning the ribbon over. Embroidered very thinly, with very fine, dark blue silk thread was the name 'Natalya'.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 Born to die, die to live

Mattie balled up the ribbon and stuffed it in his pocket as he stood up. Soft rain continued to fall from the gray sky, thoroughly soaking the young man to the bone. Matthew started to walk back towards the dreaded hospital. He had to see Alfred before he left. No matter how much it hurt. He decided to take the back roads so he could avoid a large amount of people. Mattie walked down the alleys and small streets to his brother's current location. He came up to the back of the hospital. The blonde walked around to the front of the building and walked through the doors. He automatically walked into the elevator and hit the button for Alfred's floor. He stood staring at the three others in the hospital lift. A young man who was about as tall as Mattie with short jet black hair and dark brown eyes. He wore a leather jacket and jeans with black boots. His skin was tanned like Feli's and Lovi's. Another person was a middle-aged woman with shoulder-length, graying brown hair. She had large thick glasses that made her blue eyes look three times bigger than they should have been. She wore a flower print dress that came down just below her knees, showing off her black stiletto heels. The last one was a hospital employee, dressed in the green scrubs of a nurse. A stethoscope hung around her neck and a clipboard with various papers was held in her hands. She had short red hair that was tied into a bun that rested on top of her head. Mattie finally stepped off the elevator, along with the dark haired man, and he sprinted towards Alfred's room. Alfred looked even worse. More tubes and wires were stuck in the American's pale body. The heart monitor beeped slowly, the only sign that Matthew's brother was still alive. Mattie walked to his twin's bed and sat down.

"Alfred," he began, wiping his eyes "I met a girl in the park today. She told me you could probably hear me, so you better not be ignoring me!" Mattie took a shaky breath and continued "I know we fight a lot, Al, but we're twins. And people mistake me for you. All the time. And I know I never told you about it before. It kind of bothers me that they don't remember me, but please don't leave. I can't be Matthew without you. People would expect me to be you. And I can't. You always claim how you're 'the hero' so you better save yourself now, Alfred. Do you hear me? If you don't make it, I..."Mattie rubbed his violet eyes furiously before finishing "I couldn't live with myself. I could have stopped this whole thing. If I didn't forget to pick up stuff for Gil's party, or if I had gotten up and helped instead of lying on the floor with my broken nose. It's all my fault! I'm so sorry, Al! I'm so sorry!" Mattie sobbed into his hands feeling the wrath of survivor's guilt.

"Mathieu!" Francis came rushing in the room and immediately ran to the crying man sitting on the bed.

"Mathieu, we've been looking everywhere for you! Don't run away like that," Francis scolded softly.

"Francis," Mattie hiccupped "It's all my fault."

"Non, it's not Mathieu. How could it possibly be your fault?" Francis asked sitting down and hugging the Canadian.

"If I had gotten up... I could have done something... and then Alfred would've been alright," Mattie sobbed.

"Oh Mathieu, il n'y avait rien que vous pourriez faire. Ce n'est pas votre faute, l'amour. Personne ne vous reproche, et je doute fortement que Alfred serait," [1] Francis comforted petting the other's hair. Mattie turned to the Frenchman and buried his face in Francis's shirt. Matthew cried his heart out repeating "It's my fault" and "I'm sorry, Alfred". A few hours later, Francis walked Mattie home. Matt collapsed on the small beige couch that sat in front of the small TV they had. Another memory flooded Mattie's mind of the good times he and Alfred had just hanging out.

_"YEAH TOUCHDOWN! BOO YA!" Alfred jumped off the couch and threw his hands in the air as a football player ran through the end zone. _

_"Alfred calm down," Mattie laughed at Alfred's enthusiasm over the sport. _

_"Sorry, Matt. But it's just so AWESOME!"_

_"I bet Gil just felt a glitch in the force by you using the word 'awesome' and it wasn't describing him," Mattie remarked._

_"Awesome awesome awesome AWESOME!" Alfred repeated._

_"You probably just gave Gilbo a heart attack," Mattie chuckled._

_"Ha probably!" Alfred said falling back down on the couch. _

_"Anyway, can we watch hockey now?" Matt asked. _

_"Aw but football is on!" Al whined._

_"It's a commercial Al," Matthew sighed._

_"So. Maybe I want to know how much horsepower a KIA has."_

_"That's a Toyota, Alfred," Mattie pointed to the speeding car on the television. _

_"I knew that! If you want hockey, you need the remote," Al smirked._

_"Then give me it," Mattie said._

_"No," a smile stretched across Alfred's face as he held the remote out of Mattie's reach. _

_"Alfred, give me it."_

_"No you gotta get it off me first!"_

_"Okay Alfred, you asked for it," Mattie calmly got up from his seat and walked upstairs._

_"Mattie, bro? Where're ya going?" Mattie walked back down a minute later holding his own hockey stick tightly in his hands. _

_"The remote, Alfred. Hockey is on," Mattie narrowed his eyes dangerously at the American, who sat ridged on the couch. _

_"Calm down, Matt," Alfred started. Mattie walked closer and closer to Al, who had turned as white as the snow during a Canadian winter. _

_"HERE! TAKE THE REMOTE! WATCH HOCKEY, JUST DON'T HURT ME!" Alfred screamed in horror as he chucked the small black remote at his brother who caught it with ease. Mattie stared at his twin but then burst out laughing._

_"What's so funny, Matt?" Alfred was obviously confused by his older brother's sudden change in attitude._

_"I would never hurt you, Alfie," Mattie explained, referring to Alfred's childhood nickname. "Your just easy to scare." Mattie sat down and changed the channel to a random hockey game that was on. _

_"Don't call me Alfie," Alfred grumbled. _

_"Yeah okay, Alfie," Mattie said playfully. Mattie picked up his Kuma-Kiki and hugged it tight against his body. Alfred snuck his hand around one of the polar bear's paws and yanked it out of Mattie's hands._

_"Hey Al! Give Kuma back!"_

_"You started it!"_

_"I don't care! Give him back!" Mattie made hopeless grabs in an attempt to catch his polar bear, which Alfred was tossing around carelessly. _

_"You have to get him and I'm not scared of your hockey stick, bro!" Mattie quickly thought of a perfect plan to get Al to give up the stuffed animal. Crocodile tears formed in the Canadian's eyes and started falling. _

_"Give him back, Alfred! It's not funny!" Mattie let the tears streak his face and blur his vision, but he could still see the shock on Al's face._

_"Here, Mattie. You don't have to cry," Al said softly, handing the bear over._

_"I know," Mattie replied cheerfully, wiping the fake tears from his violet eyes. _

_"Aw you POSER!" Al yelled, but he still smiled at the cleverness of his brother._

_"It's hoser, Al, not poser."_

_"What?" _

_"Never mind." _

_"Okay, bro," Alfred said curling up with his twin on the couch, watching various hockey fight break out and the occasional yell from Mattie about a foul or something like that._

'I miss that,' Mattie thought picking up Kumajiro, who was sitting on the couch. Mattie stretched across the couch with his knees slightly bent in a comfortable position, and he fell asleep.

[1]_ Oh Mathieu, there was nothing you could do. It's not your fault, love. No one blames you, and I highly doubt Alfred would._


	8. Chapter 8

Ch. 8 Born to die, die to live

Mattie opened his eyes and stared blankly at the white ceiling of the house he and Alfred had shared. He lay still for a few moments. How long did he actually sleep? Mattie turned his head to face the silver analog clock that hung on the wall. It read 5:35 in the morning. Three hours. He slept for three hours. That made a total of seven hours in the past two days. Mattie rubbed his bloodshot eyes and groaned at the sight of the early hour. He rolled on his side, causing his glasses to slide off his still bruised nose. Matthew lay there for another couple hours, hoping to get some sleep but getting none. Francis came by at around 8am later.

"Mathieu!" Francis knocked on the door loudly.

"Unlocked," Mattie said simply. Francis walked in and saw the sleep deprived Canadian laying on the couch, tear stains streaked down his face.

"Mathieu, you can't keep this up," Francis said grabbing a tissue and wiping Matt's eyes for him.

"What?" Mattie asked dumbly.

"You're not eating, not sleeping and you're crying your eyes out every other five minutes. It's not healthy, mon ami," Francis said picking up the glasses from the floor and setting them on Matthew's nose gently.

"Oh."

"Oui. But I'm going to make you a delicious breakfast and you will eat it and like it because it is the best France can offer!" and with that, the cocky Frenchman skipped off to the twins' kitchen to make breakfast, while singing something in French. Mattie sat up and decided to turn on the television to take his mind off things. Hockey was on. Win! Mattie watched Canada face-off against Russia. It was already the second half and Canada was down by two. Matthew was on the edge of the couch the entire game, squeezing the life out of Kuma. He cheered when Canada finally scored, bringing the score to 2-3. With thirty seconds left, Canada scored again, tying the score. Mattie yelled and screamed when a huge fight broke out about that. Apparently, the Russians thought it was an illegal score. Matthew could have easily looked like he was watching WWE wrestling instead of hockey. But within a few minutes, the punches stopped flying and the shot was declared legal. Now onto five minute overtime. Russia has possession. Canada has possession. Russia. Canada. Russia. Canada. Canada shoots. And scores!

"YES!" Mattie jumped up from the couch and screamed looking to his side, expecting to see Alfred standing beside him, cheering as well. But there was no Alfred. He was alone cheering on the Canadians, who had just won the game. Matthew sat back down, wishing he had his brother to celebrate with.

"Voila! Breakfast is done! Bon appetite." Francis handed a plate of some French food to Mattie, who stared at the food in lap.

"Eat it, Mathieu, si'l vous plaît?" Francis sighed. Matthew picked up his fork and took a small bite of the food. Francis smiled at him and ruffled his hair.

"It's good, oui?"

"Oui," Mattie answered quietly.

"Good," Francis walked out of the room, probably to get some food for himself. Mattie set the food down on the coffee table in front of the couch. The food tasted bland to him. It wasn't bad, it just had no flavor to Mattie's dead taste buds. Matthew got up before Francis returned and walked out the door. It was chilly outside. All Mattie wore was a pair of Levi jeans, a blue T-shirt and his Nikes. He pushed his glasses up on his nose and set off or the hospital, making sure to take the back roads again. After fifteen minutes, Matt arrived at the white building. He stepped inside and made the routine trip to Alfred's room, staying silent the whole way. When he got to Alfred's room, he notice something different. New people surrounded the room Alfred was supposed to be in.

"Are you a friend of Jake's?" A man asked Matthew. Matt spun around to see a tall black man standing there. He was dressed in a suit and tie, a if he just got out of his job at an office. Matthew shook his head in fear. If a man named Jake was in there, then where was Alfred? Matthew bolted down the stairs in the hospital and sprinted to the desk in the lobby.

"Alfred," he panted. "Alfred F. Jones."

"Alfred Jones?" the lady said calmly.

"Yes," Mattie said clutching his weak stomach.

"He was moved out of this hospital, sir." she explained "Mr. Jones is now currently in the state hospital about half an hour from here." The lady's dark brown eyes shone with kindness as she told Matthew where his brother was being kept.

"Thank you," Mattie nodded walking out the doors. Half an hour. That was too far to walk. Mattie was in no state to drive himself.

"Mattie! Hey! What's up?" a bright red motorcycle pulled up in front of the hospital.

"Hi, Gil," Mattie replied shyly.

"Need a ride home?" Gil asked, pulling the helmet off his head.

"Actually, could you take me to the state hospital? Alfred was transferred there," Mattie asked staring at his toes.

"Sure, Mattie. No problem! Grab a helmet and hold on," Gil agreed putting his own helmet back on and revving the engine to his BMW motorcycle. Mattie quickly put the helmet on and sat down, holding tightly to Gilbert's waist.

"Alright, let's go," Gilbo said as he and Mattie sped off to meet Alfred in the other hospital, half an hour from where Alfred should be: home.


	9. Chapter 9

Ch. 9 Born to die, die to live

Mattie clung to the albino steering the motorcycle through the different roads and streets. When they stopped at a red light about ten minutes from the hospital, Mattie leaned closer to Gil.

"Gil, can we get there any faster?" Mattie asked.

"Kesesese~ of course! Hang on though," Gil answered revving the engine loudly. Another motorcycle next to them revved its engine as well. Mattie turned his head to see a man with a brown bomber jacket, very similar to Alfred's, sitting there with a red haired girl hanging tightly to his waist. Again, Gil revved the engine of his BMW motorcycle. The Yamaha next to them roared louder. The light remained red but the two vehicles inched forward.

"Hang on tight, Mattie," Gilbert turned his head to the scared Canadian.

'No. Not more road rage,' Mattie thought. The light flashed to green and both drivers picked up their feet, and sped off to the next light. The road was totally empty except for the two racers. At the last second, Gil jumped from 75mph up to 106mph. Mattie involuntarily grasped the German's waist tighter and tighter. Gil and Mattie reached the light first, winning the race. Gil turned the bike, so it was sideways. If he had turned it anymore, it would have tumbled and crashed. Mattie let out a scream as he held Gil as tight as possible while the bike skidded to a halt. Gil lifted his helmet and shook his head, effectively messing up his silver hair.

"Nice race," Gil commented to the other biker.

"Same to you, brother," the man replied back. Gil put his helmet back on and drove off at a semi-fast speed to find a parking space, seeing as they were only two minutes from the hospital now. Gil parked his BMW in a nearby movie parking lot, and the two of them walked to the hospital.

"Gil," Mattie asked quietly.

"Hmm?" Gil turned his head to look at the Canadian.

"Weren't you going somewhere else?"

"Ja but I forgot where I was either going or supposed to go, so I'll just tag along and see Al with you," Gil explained.

"Oh," Matthew replied as they walked through the automatic doors of the new hospital. The duo walked up to a man with a clipboard walking around the lobby.

"Hey doctor guy!" Gil yelled at the man in the white coat, who looked up from his work.

'Gilbert, you ass,' Mattie thought as he quietly face-palmed himself.

"Do you know where Alfred F. Jones's room is?" Gil asked bluntly.

"Jones..." the man said, running his hand through his graying black hair. "Ah okay. Alfred Jones, room 406."

"Dank!" Gil thanked the doctor, who nodded and continued his work.

"Alright, let's go," Gil said heading over to the elevators. Mattie tugged at the hem of his T-shirt as he followed his friend to the elevator. The two stood alone in the lift as it ascended to the fourth floor. A small ding told them they have reached the desired floor. They stepped out and walked down the dimmed halls towards Alfred's room. When they arrived, Gil twisted the knob, opened the door, and walked in. Matthew, however, stood outside, frozen with fear of what condition Alfred would be in.

"Mattie?" Gil said poking his head out from the room.

"I don't want to see how bad it is," Mattie whispered.

"It's not that bad, Matt," Gilbert convinced.

"Uh..." Matt stood there, but Gil grabbed his wrist and dragged him in the room. Alfred rested in the clean white bed, hooked up to at least three different machines. Wires and tubes stuck out from every part of his body. Matthew felt his knees grow weak at the sight of his dying brother.

"You might want to sit down, Mattie," Gil offered. Mattie inched over towards Alfred's bed and sat on the floor, propped up against it. He breathed very shallowly, holding his stomach as if he were sick. Gilbert put a hand to Mattie's forehead to check for a fever. Like Mattie did to Alfred when he was sick.

"Mattie, you're burning up," Gil commented, drawing his hand back. "Do you want something to drink?" Mattie shook his head. He wasn't thirsty right now.

"Alright, but maybe I should get you home soon. You really need some rest." Mattie nodded again. After another hour, Gil drove Matthew back home, but much slower this time. Gil pulled up to Mattie's house. Mattie took off the helmet, thanked Gil, and walked inside. The door was unlocked, but Mattie didn't care. He kicked his shoes off in the middle of the floor. He half ran, half walked up the stairs to the bathroom. He pulled of his shirt and turned on the hot water in the sink. He held onto the sides of the sink and watched the scalding water flow and swirl down the drain. Steam fogged his glasses, as he opened the cabinet above the sink. He rummaged through various pills and medicines until he found what he was looking for. A razor. Mattie held his left wrist out and gripped the blade tightly in his right hand. He slowly drew the blade across his skin, slicing the skin. Dark crimson blood oozed out of his wrist and fell into the sink. Hot water mixed with the sticky warm blood. Another cut was made on his wrist. More blood poured out. Tears flowed from Mattie's eyes as he slashed blindly at his left arm. When he had finished, the cuts were so deep you could barely see a sliver of bone in his destroyed wrist. Startling pain ripped through him. Pain he should feel, not Alfred. He switched hands and began ripping apart his right wrist. After three minutes, both the Canadian's wrists were stained a dark scarlet. Pale skin illuminated the red fluids that pumped from his torn veins. Tears clung to Mattie's eyelashes as he dropped the razor in pain.

'Alfred! I have pain!' he thought 'I have pain now! You don't need to be in pain anymore! I'll do it!' Matthew curled up on the bloody floor of the bathroom, letting his wrists bleed into his bare chest. Sticky blood coated his chest and arms and dripped onto his jeans.

'I have all the pain now...' Mattie thought as he drifted off. 'I'll save you, Alfred...' And then Mattie closed his eyes and bled on the bathroom floor.


	10. Chapter 10

Ch. 10 Born to die, die to live

Mattie woke up to see a worried Gilbert leaning over him. Gil's mouth was moving, but Mattie heard no words.

"Matthew!" Mattie finally heard his name, jerking him from the daze he was in.

"What the hell did you do?" Gil asked angrily.

"Look at your wrists!" Gil grabbed Mattie's bloodied wrists and held them up. "You destroyed them!" Mattie stared at the albino yelling at him.

"You think that this made sense! Why would you do this! Don't you dare say 'Alfred' or so help me God, I will beat your ass to a pulp!" Gil started cutting gauze and bandages he took from the medicine cabinet and started fitting them to Matthew's ripped arms.

"Well? Are you going to answer me?" Gil looked up from his work and met Mattie's eyes. Mattie was shocked at Gilbert's eyes. They were angry. They weren't the usual energetic, playful red they usually were, but an angry crimson. They burned into Matthew's violet eyes. Mattie broke their gaze and looked down at his pained wrists.

"What were you thinking?" Gil asked softly. Mattie felt salty tears gather in the corners of his eyes. He tried to blink them away so Gilbert wouldn't see, but his attempts failed.

"Don't start crying, Mattie," Gil comforted "I know it's hard with Alfred in the hospital and all that, but you don't have to cause yourself harm." Mattie stared at the albino. None it made any sense. Alfred shouldn't be dying. If anyone should be in the hospital, it should be Mattie.

"Mattie," Gil handed the Canadian a tissue. Mattie took the tissue and dabbed at his moist eyes. "Don't do this to yourself." Gilbert taped the end of the last bandage over Matthew's left wrist. Mattie withdrew his arm and gently cradled it in his opposite.

"Promise you won't do anything so stupid again," Gil said to the blonde. Mattie nodded silently and hugged the German. Gilbert jumped slightly in surprise, but held Mattie and rubbed his back. Mattie sobbed and cried into Gil's shoulder.

"It's going to be okay," Gil comforted. "Sh, Mattie. Er ist Ordnung. Du bist Ordnung. Alfred wird in Ordnung sein."[1] Matthew gripped the black T-shirt his friend was wearing and cried harder. Gilbert continued to hug him and whisper comforting words to him, even if they were in German. Mattie was getting tired from crying into Gil's shirt. The albino didn't seem to care too much about his soaked shirt though. Mattie released himself from Gilbert and wiped his eyes with the back if his hand.

"Why don't you take a nap? I'll do some stuff around here, if you want," Gil offered. It's not often Gilbo volunteers to do work. If Ludwig was there, he might have slapped his brother.

Mattie nodded sitting on the old couch and blowing his nose into a clean tissue.

"Alright. Awesome! You take a rest wherever and I'll clean up. It will be like I'm doing the stuff I never do for Ludwig!" Gil said with a wink. Yup. If the blonde German was here, he might have broken Gil's arm.

"Ja but don't tell Luddy I said that. Otherwise, he'd probably kill me," Gilbert continued. Mattie shuddered at the thought of losing Gil. He started shaking violently at being reminded of his dying twin at the hospital.

"Matt? Matt! MATTHEW!" Gil ran over to the shivering Canadian and sat next to him.

"Hang on! I'll be right back," Gil ran up the stairs searching for something. Mattie heard random shuffles and bumps come from the second floor. Then a loud crash followed by an even louder "DAMN IT!" Mattie smiled slightly at his strange friend. Gil was one of a kind. Then he came pounding down the stairs with a red blanket, and put it over the other's shoulders.

"Heh, by the way," Gil rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly "I think someone broke your lamp upstairs in your hallway." Mattie laughed a bit at Gil's clumsiness.

"I'll clean it up though, because I'm that awesome!" Gilbert continued to talk, probably about his 'awesomeness', but Mattie only heard hazy mumbles. Mattie held his polar bear, Kuma-katchi, close to him as he laid down across the couch. Finally he drifted off to sleep.

_"Mattie! Let's go!" Alfred called to his brother. The nineteen year old looked up from the book he was reading to stare at his twin. _

_"I'm reading, Al," Mattie said holding up his book. _

_"Aw but I wanna go in the haunted house!" Alfred pointed at the haunted house attraction set up for Halloween. _

_"You'll be scared anyway," Matthew commented going back to his book. _

_"I won't! I'm a hero! Heroes are never scared!" Alfred stood in his "heroic" pose in front of Mattie._

_"Okay. Then go by yourself." _

_"But it's not as fun. Can't you read your boring book later?"_

_"It's not boring," Mattie defended, looking up "It's absolutely wonderful. It's 'The Tale of Two Cities' by Charles Dickens."_

_"Snore," Alfred replied "Please go on with me, Mattie. Please!" _

_"I said no," Mattie refuted, looking back at his book._

_"Aw but-"_

_"No."_

_"But-" _

_"NO ALFRED!" Mattie said angrily. Alfred could be so obnoxious at times. Al yanked the classic book from Mattie's hands and held it high in the air. _

_"Al, give that back!" Mattie jumped childishly, trying to reach the book._

_"Not until you go in the haunted house with me," Al protested. _

_"No I'm not going in. Now give it back!"_

_"Whoops," Alfred purposely ripped part of a page in the book. _

_"ALFRED! THAT'S A LIBRARY BOOK!" Mattie screamed at his younger brother. _

_"Who cares? Go in the haunted house with me!" Mattie grew very angry at his brother. How dare he? He is such an immature child. _

_"Ugh NO ALFRED!" Alfred threw the book as far as he could. The novel landed with a soft plop in a small swamp of mud, grass, and rainwater from the night before. _

_"I HATE YOU, ALFRED!" Mattie screeched at Alfred, as he ran to get the book from the puddle. Alfred stood there, completely dumbfounded. Hate. Matthew never used 'hate' before. He watched his older brother pick the library book out of the mud, and wipe it with his sleeve. Alfred felt tears sting his eyes. Mattie hated him. He HATED Alfred. He watched Mattie sulk off, probably back to their house. Alfred followed slowly, back to their home. When Mattie arrived home he began to furiously wipe mud off the book. He decided he probably would need a hair dryer to dry the pages as best he could. He heard sniffles behind him and Mattie spun around to find the source. Alfred sat on a kitchen chair with his back to Mattie. Mattie saw his crying brother and went to comfort him. _

_"I'm sorry, Al. I was mad you threw my book. That's all," Mattie explained. _

_"You said you hated me," Alfred whispered. Mattie looked horrified at what he just heard. He said he hated Alfred? That couldn't be right. _

_"Alfred, I'm so sorry! I don't hate you. I never could. Even if I wanted to. You're my brother and I'm sorry, Al," Mattie apologized, hugging his little brother. _

_"Sorry I threw your book, bro," Alfred replied, drying his eyes. _

_"It's okay. All I need to do it borrow a hair dryer from Feli or Lovi or someone. _

_"Okay. That's good. Can we go to the haunted house now?" Alfred looked at his twin hopefully. Mattie leaned in and ruffled Alfred's hair thoroughly messing it up. _

_"Of course, Alfie," Mattie agreed "As many times as you want."_

Mattie awoke to find his glasses sitting on the coffee table. He looked around and saw Gil eating a plate of pancakes soaked in maple syrup.

"Guten Morgen, Sonnenschein," Gil said brightly.

"Morning," Mattie mumbled.

"Feeling better?"

"A bit," Mattie answered.

"Your glasses are on the table there," Gilbo pointed to the table. Matthew reached his bandaged arm out to get his glasses. He slowly fixed them on his face, causing his vision to become clearer. He looked around and saw that Gilbert actually did some work. He was able to clean the random papers and odds and ends strewn around the living room. And, from where Mattie could see, the kitchen looked spotless.

'I guess Gil can clean when he wants to,' Mattie thought.

"You hungry?" Gil asked suddenly. Mattie shook his head. If he ate something he might get sick.

"If you want something there's pancakes in the oven," Gil informed walking over to the sink to clean his sticky plate. An obnoxiously loud German metal song sounded from the coffee table in front of Matthew. The blonde looked over to see Gil's phone lit up.

"I got it!" Gil ran over to his phone and picked it up.

"Hallo? Oh hey Luddy!" Ludwig.

'He's probably wondering where Gil is,' Mattie thought.

"Ja. Nein. Hold on," Gil walked out of the room and out onto the front porch. Mattie snuck over quietly and opened the window to hear what his friend was saying.

"...At Matthew's. No he hasn't eaten anything since I've been here. Ja ja I'm worried too." Gil started pacing on the porch nervously "Nein. Ja, he basically demolished both his wrists. Nein. Nein he hasn't said a word. Nothing. Nein. Ja I hope not. Alright. Ja. Ja, Luddy. Wiedersehen." Gil closed his phone and began to walk towards the door. Mattie bolted back to the couch where he sat previously.

"I know you heard that, Mattie," Gil sighed. "I'm not stupid." Mattie's eyes widened. Gil knew he had heard.

"We're just worried about you, Mattie. You haven't been eating and you haven't said a word to me since I found you, half dead on the floor." Gil took a shaky breath and continued to talk "Do you know how hard it is, Matt? One of my best friends is in a coma in a hospital half an hour away. How do you think it feels to go check on your other best friend and find him bleeding to death on the floor?" Tears glistened in the German's scarlet eyes. "Mattie, it's bad enough we have one friend in the hospital. We don't need another." Gil wiped his eyes with the back of his hand quickly. Mattie honestly didn't think anybody would care if he left. Everyone was too focused on his twin.

"Mattie?" Gil prodded. Mattie didn't answer. He stood there, staring straight ahead.

"Matt?" Gil waved his hand in front of the Canadian. No response.

"Matthew!" Mattie turned his head to the albino.

"Answer me, damn it," Gil commanded. Mattie shook his head and tears flew from his dull violet eyes.

"No?" Gil cocked his head. "Hospital. Now." Gil threw shoes and a jacket at his friend, who caught them easily. Mattie slowly pulled his shoes on and then poked his arms through the jacket. Gil was outside turning on his motorcycle. Mattie walked out, not even bothering to check if the door was locked.

"Helmet. Wear one or die," Gil said. Mattie couldn't tell if he was serious or joking. Mattie put the white and red helmet on. The second Matt put his arms around Gilbert's waist, they were off.

[1] Sh, Mattie. It's alright. You're alright. Alfred will be alright.


	11. Chapter 11

Ch. 11 Born to die, die to live

Gil was defiantly speeding. They got to the hospital in almost ten minutes. Normally it's half an hour. Gilbert swerved into a parking space that had just opened up in front of the building. Gil pulled his helmet off, took his keys, and headed off to the clean white hospital. Mattie took off his own helmet and followed Gilbert.

'Gilbert is speaking German,' Mattie realized as he heard the albino muttering to himself in the foreign language. When they reached the doors, Gilbert stopped and gave Matt a tired look.

"Please just go with this," he said and continued walking. Mattie had no idea what Gil was talking about but he decided it was probably nothing.

"Wait here," Gil hissed pointing at a seat. Mattie quickly sat down and watched the German approach a woman wearing a doctor's coat. Gil started talking rapidly and running his hand through his silver hair, a nervous habit he had. Mattie strained his ears to listen, but couldn't hear. He was too far away. The woman pointed Gil in a direction down a hallway. Gil started walking towards there. Mattie went to follow, but Gilbert caught him standing up. The albino shook his head, indicating that the Canadian should stay put. Mattie sat back down and watched his friend walk away. Mattie took out his phone, only to realize it had died. He looked around the room. There was no one else there. Not even the person who works behind the desk. It was empty. Mattie was all alone. Alone. Mattie shuddered. He was the last one. The only one. He didn't want to be alone. He never wanted to be alone. Mattie shivered, even though the room was quite warm. His breathing became heavy. Matthew needed somebody. Anybody.

'Alfred.' He needed his twin. His other half. A scream ripped through his body, but Mattie forced it to stay in.

'When will Gil be back?' Mattie thought in agony. His wrists throbbed, adding to the pain. Another scream came, but was never heard as Mattie choked it down. He felt like he was going to throw up if he held in another screech. Mattie turned his head and saw Alfred standing there. This time he let the scream out. A loud, screech of a tortured man. Alfred screamed as well. No. It wasn't Alfred. It was a mirror. Matthew's reflection. Gilbert came running in with another red haired man. He was tall and pale with freckles dotting his round face. Worried expressions were on each face.

"Mattie!" Gil ran up to the shaking man.

"Mattie! What happened?" Gil asked. Mattie shook his head and turned from Gilbert's gaze.

"Mattie, what happened?" Gil asked louder. Mattie still refused to make eye contact with him.

"VERDAMMT, MATT!" Gilbert yelled. Mattie jumped at the albino's outburst.

"NO ONE CAN HELP YOU WHEN YOU REFUSE TO TALK!" Gilbert screamed. The ginger man wen even paler at the German's screams. Mattie let salty tears spill from his violet eyes.

"AND WHENEVER I TRY TO FIND OUT WHAT'S WRONG, YOU START CRYING YOUR EYES OUT! THAT DOESN'T HELP AT ALL, MATTIE! DON'T MAKE THE MISTAKE OF THINKING YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT ALFRED!" And on that note Gilbert stormed out of the hospital. Mattie wiped his eyes from behind his glasses and peered out the window. Gil's BMW was still there, so he didn't leave yet.

"Umm," the red haired man started awkwardly "Your friend wanted me to check your wrists. Come with me." Mattie got up and followed the doctor to a pale green room. He removed the bandages and inspected Mattie's mutilated arms. The doctor stuck various syringes filled with all sorts of medicine into the wounds. He then wrapped them with clean gauze and bandages and sent Mattie off. Mattie remained silent the whole time. He walked outside and began to search for Gilbert. He walked down the empty streets. Dark clouds dimmed the sky as Mattie continued to search for Gilbert. A flash of lightening broke through the gray sky. A crash of thunder made Mattie jump.

'Where's Gil?' he thought. Rain began to fall from the sky. The rain fell heavier and heavier. Mattie's glasses fogged up and obscured his vision. He did see Gilbert though. Just across the street. Gilbert saw him, too. Mattie stepped off the sidewalk to apologize to the German.

"Gilbert!" he called out. Then there was a screech of tires. Then there was a thud. A look of horror froze on Gilbert's face.

"Mattie!" Gilbert ran into the street. A young woman stepped out of the white SUV in the road. Her short brown hair rippled in the breeze.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! I didn't see him! He ran into the street! Oh my God! I'm so sorry!" she cried. Mattie laid sprawled out on the asphalt, blood pouring from his head. His eyes were wide open, and were in complete shock. Gilbert felt Mattie's neck for a pulse. There was none.

"Is he alright?" the woman sobbed.

"He's dead," Gil pronounced letting tears slip down his face. It was November 27 at 3:37 in the afternoon. Back at the hospital, Arthur sat with Alfred.

"Come on, Al. You can't give up," he said. On November 27 at 3:37 in the afternoon, Alfred F. Jones passed away.

' "Hey Mattie?" Alfred asked on the way to a party at Gilbert's house.

"Hmm?"

"What do you think death would feel like?"

"I don't know. Probably painful," Mattie guessed. "Why?"

"Oh I don't know. Just wondering."

"Well the both of us aren't dying anytime soon," Mattie said.

"How do you know?" Alfred asked turning to his twin.

"Because I wouldn't let you die, Alfred. I love you too much," Mattie explained.

"I love you too, Mattie."

"Oh shit!" Mattie exclaimed halfway.

"What? What's wrong?" Al questioned.

"I needed to bring some soda to the party because Gil was short of it. He and his little brother, Ludwig, only drink beer anyway. I need to stop at the bank first though," the Canadian explained.

"Aww, okay," Alfred said "Let's go to the bank." '

Gilbert stood by the street in the rain. The woman had left and Mattie's body had been taken away. Arthur texted him saying Alfred's heart monitor had gone flat. Tears streaked his face as he stared into the fog and rain. He couldn't see a foot in front of his face. The fog swirled around him. Gil swore he could see two figures hugging in the dark fog. Two men that looked very familiar...

"Mattie? Alfred?"


End file.
